But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize