You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
