Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
