You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
