I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
