I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
