and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
