you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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