Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
