So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
