New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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