..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
