i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
