She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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