I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
