Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
