so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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