I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
