so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
