Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
