im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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