I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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