Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
