I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
