I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
