p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
