I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
