U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
