I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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