He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
