omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
