Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
