This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
