I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My pussy is not your playground.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Randomize
