Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize