how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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