I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
