I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
