Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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