we have pet lesbian snakes
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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