Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
