am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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