god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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