Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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