some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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