god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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