She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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