I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He passed out mid-signature
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
