69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize