she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
