maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
