Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
