So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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