You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
