You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
