he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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