Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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