screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize