I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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