btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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