I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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