It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
