I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
