My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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