Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
