i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
