best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
