She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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