I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
