i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
